Creation and First Notes

I decided to create the blog for the sole purpose of writing down my thoughts that I think are funny. Maybe one day, I'll organize them into a book or use them in a television show treatment.

Anyways, here we go:

• What is the deal with the hardcore Christians marrying their high school sweethearts? I mean really, what is it? In a moment of weakness, their hormones overtook them and the girl blew the guy, so now they have to stay together forever or they'll go to hell? Seriously...let's cut that shit out.Wow. That makes me sound like an asshole. And....I am.
• Heather: "I could go the rest of my life without having to watch that movie 'The Womb.'"
  Chris: "Was it Angelina Jolie's womb? Because her kids walked out of that thing like it was the Stargate."
• I can't believe I'm clinically depressed. How cliche! I want one of those fun mental illnesses like multiple personality disorder, or that one that made Britney Spears speak with a British accent.
• Heather: "So why does he limp?"
  Chris: "Because one leg is shorter than the other."
  Heather: "Awwwww. That's so sad."
  Chris: "It would be, if he weren't such an asshole. But the good thing is, he can hoola-hoop like a motherfucker!"
• Heather: "So I heard about you're drunken episode this weekend. Susan was sweet to clean up your vomit."
  Chris: "Yes, she was. I'm sure I'd be embarrassed if I could remember any of it."
• He has all these fucked up quotes that no one has ever heard before and no one knows what they mean. He's like an even more racist Dr. Phil.
• I think all of those Saturday Night Live skits about Dakota Fanning are hilarious! In fact, I support making fun of everyone who was more successful by their seventh birthday than I am in my twenties.
• Heather: "I want a gay guy to write a book called 'Memoirs of a Gay.'"
  Chris: "I think a better title would be 'Memoirs of a Gay: Shhhh!' And if it were ever made into a movie, you would still have a fair amount of kimonos."
• Who are these people airing all of their dirty laundry on these social networking sites? This is Facebook, not Catholic confession. This isn't a psychiatrist office. People will post the most morbid thoughts and graphic details of their personal lives. And God help you if you try to comfort them or make any mention of it to them, because then you get one of two reactions: either they go off on you like you sneaked into their house and read their diary, or they send you a 500 word essay to be sure to thoroughly explain the situation with even more personal details, often involving their sex life--which, quite frankly, is not something I want to hear about from the girl who I haven't seen since sixth grade Bible camp.